


Hesitate

by allwaswell16



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Worship, Break Up, Childhood Friends, Epilogue, Flirting, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Getting Back Together, House Party, M/M, Miscommunication, Oral Sex, POV Alternating, Smut, but that's more implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:09:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27650468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allwaswell16/pseuds/allwaswell16
Summary: He’d always been in love with Louis.From the time he was old enough to understand attraction, he’d been attracted to Louis, not that he’d been ready to do anything about it at the time. Instead, he’d just supported him like a best friend should. He was there for Louis when he came out to his mom. He was there for Louis when he landed the leading role in the school play. He was there for him when Louis didn’t have a date for the prom. He was there when Louis got his heart broken.And he waited. He’d waited until he couldn’t stand to wait any more.*A college au where Liam and Louis went from childhood friends to lovers to exes and back again.
Relationships: Liam Payne/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 24
Kudos: 56
Collections: 1d Breakup Fic Fest





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> taggiecb, thank you for everything and all your support always.
> 
> Note: I did not tag infidelity in this fic because there's no actual cheating, but the breakup does happen in part because Louis is flirting with someone else.

The sounds of the house party died away, and Liam’s ears rang as if his brain could no longer interpret sounds when his heart was breaking. He watched Louis’ practiced movements, the flick of his hair, the jut of his hip, the upward look from beneath his lashes and felt ill because they were aimed at someone other than him.

He really wished each motion wasn’t carved on his heart. 

His gasped inhale, as though he’d forgotten to breathe, caught Niall’s attention. “Payno, you okay?”

“I—no. I have to—” He swallowed and set down the red Solo cup he’d forgotten he was holding. “I’m gonna go.”

“But what about—” Niall’s eyes found the reason why Liam was already heading towards the door. Niall reached out and tugged on his arm. “Listen, I’m sure he’s not—you know. He doesn’t mean anything by it.”

Liam just nodded. He knew Louis didn’t mean anything by reeling people in until they were hooked. Hadn’t he done the same to him? 

He stepped out into the crisp, November night and breathed in the cold air, letting it shock his system into feeling something other than sadness. It was all his own fault anyway. As he walked back towards his apartment crunching through the fallen leaves on the sidewalk, he tried to rearrange his relationship with Louis in his mind.

He’d always been in love with Louis.

From the time he was old enough to understand attraction, he’d been attracted to Louis, not that he’d been ready to do anything about it at the time. Instead, he’d just supported him like a best friend should. He was there for Louis when he came out to his mom. He was there for Louis when he landed the leading role in the school play. He was there for him when Louis didn’t have a date for the prom. He was there when Louis got his heart broken.

And he waited. He’d waited until he couldn’t stand to wait any more. 

He’d waited until a month into their junior year of college when he couldn’t take all of what Louis probably considered harmless flirting. Alcohol and desire had fired through his veins as Louis had danced with him at a party just like the one he was currently fleeing. And he’d blurted out the only thing he could think of that might change everything between them. “I’m bi.”

He crossed the street, his head down and hands tucked into his jeans for the small bit of warmth that provided and wished he hadn’t said it. He wished he hadn’t let everything change. Maybe if he’d just waited longer. Waited until he and Louis had graduated and maybe Louis would be ready for a serious relationship and then he would have been there, right there as the perfect man for him. 

He snorted. It was far too late for that thought now. Instead, he’d spent the last month in Louis’ bed, and he knew he’d spend the rest of his life regretting it. 

His head began to pound with suppressed emotion, but he only had another block or so to walk. He’d keep it in until he got there. So close now. He blamed the pounding for why he didn’t hear the footsteps or anyone calling after him until he was much closer than Liam wanted.

“Liam! Liam, you idiot, just wait a second!”

He was really, really done waiting for Louis. It’s all he’d ever done and look what it had gotten him. 

He took off running. He ran as though he could outrun the past fifteen years of his life. In a race, they were likely pretty evenly matched. Liam worked out a lot and went running everyday, but Louis played in a soccer league. But he’d had a head start, and he probably hadn’t consumed nearly as much alcohol as Louis. So he was locking the door behind him before Louis had even reached the stairs.

He raced through his and Niall’s apartment, grabbing his headphones off the couch as he put another door between him and Louis. He only heard the first bang of Louis’ knocking before the headphones were safely over his ears as he sprawled out on his bed and let the tears prickling behind his eyes slip down his cheeks as Glass Animals blared in his ears.

_ And now I can feel your love, your temporary touch, it’s a hit and run _

He fell asleep and woke up to his headphones slid down off one ear as he heard Louis yelling his name and someone, presumably Niall, trying to shush him. Fuck. None of this was Niall’s fault, so he needed to take care of this. 

Liam ran his hands over his face to hopefully erase any tell-tale signs of his tears before he opened his bedroom door to the absurd scene of Louis in the doorway as Niall tried to push the apartment door closed while Louis kicked him in the shins. 

“Ow! Fuck! What the fuck, Louis?”

“Niall, do not interfere. I swear to fucking god if you don’t let me see Liam—”

“Fuck off, Louis. He clearly doesn’t want to see you. You can call him or something. I’m not letting you in here after the shit you tried to pull tonight.”

The door shoved in a bit with a push from Louis and then back out with a push from Niall.

“I didn’t  _ do _ anything!”

“Fuck you. We all know what you look like when you’re trying to bang someone. You shouldn’t have messed Liam around, and you know it. You’re supposed to be his best friend.”

“I  _ am _ his best—”

Liam sighed, loud enough for Niall to hear him and turn, which momentarily released the door long enough for Louis to come tumbling through it. Although he looked a bit ruffled, he was still just as gorgeous as he always was. 

His eyes spit blue fire at Niall, but Liam admired their color. He held his body rigidly, but Liam knew how soft his curves felt. His jaw twitched, and Liam remembered how it felt to caress the sharp lines of his face. 

He finally turned to him, but it seemed Louis had less to say now that they stood face to face.

“Niall, you can go to bed. Sorry about all this.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Li.” Niall cuffed him on the shoulder. “Shout if you need me.”

As soon as Niall’s bedroom door shut, Liam spoke. “I want you to go.”

Louis looked floored as though he wasn’t expecting the words. “What?”

Liam shook his head. “Just go, Louis.”

“Liam, I didn’t—”

“But you wanted to. So—”

“I didn’t! I don’t! It was stupid. I was just being stupid. Just let me—”

Liam held up a hand. “Please, Louis. I need you to leave. I need some time before I can be your friend again. I promise you that our friendship can survive this, but I need you to give me some space for a while.”

“It sounds like you’re breaking up with me,” Louis whispered.

Liam looked up at the ceiling and tried to catch his breath. “If that’s what you want to call it. Don’t know if you can call it breaking up when you were clearly never—it’s my fault for taking it too seriously, okay? Now, please, just leave.”

Louis walked towards the door, looking dazed. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

/// /// ///

Louis had always been in love with Liam. 

The first time he knew he only liked boys was also the first time he knew he wanted to be with Liam. At first, he’d chalked it up to the idea that surely everyone wanted Liam. Liam was kind and sweet and fun and handsome and athletic. Everyone liked Liam. 

He’d also thought as the years progressed that perhaps it was just a bit of hero worship. After all, Liam was his rock. Liam stood by him when he’d told his mom he was gay. Liam had run lines with him until he’d practically had the entire play memorized to help Louis get the coveted role of Danny in  _ Grease _ . Liam asked him to prom even though he knew his girlfriend would dump him for it. Liam had watched Spiderman and ate ice cream with him when Miles broke up with him their freshman year of college.

It had been a week since he’d made such a mess of everything. 

Louis walked miserably through the quad just as the skies opened, pouring down sleet and rain. Of fucking course. He just let it seep through his jacket and let it ruin everything in his book bag. He deserved this. 

He’d just never expected Liam to ever want him back. And for one glorious month, he’d lived out his fantasy of being with Liam as more than just his best friend. And then of course, he had to push things and try to get Liam to want  _ him _ as much as Louis wanted Liam. He was always so damn impulsive, but he was just stupid and scared that none of it would last.

Jealousy had always worked with his past boyfriends. It always had them snapping to attention at the thought of other guys moving in on him. He should have realized it wouldn’t work on Liam. Liam probably didn’t have a jealous bone in his body. Why would he? He could have anyone. 

So instead of drawing him in closer, he’d accidentally pushed him away. Louis kicked at a rock as he neared his apartment building. Never again would he lean up to kiss him. Never again would he hear Liam groan his name as he swallowed him down. Never again would he come with Liam inside him. 

But worse than any of that was that now there would never be a future where they were together. How would he ever move on from the love of his life?

As soon as he opened the door, Zayn shook his head and sent him to take a hot shower. He had a cup of tea waiting for him when he got out, and he laid his head on his shoulder as they watched Netflix in silence. 

The buzz at their door startled them both.

When Louis flung the door open, Niall strode in, a frown on his face. “So are you just gonna let him go or what?”

“What?”

Niall stared him down. “You’re just giving up on Liam.”

“He told me he wanted space.”

“Yeah, because he thinks you don’t love him as anything more than a fuck.” Niall let out a sigh. “He didn’t go to class today.”

Zayn actually gasped, drawing their attention. “Just saying. That’s pretty big for Liam.”

Niall shot him a grim look. “Yeah, don’t know that he’s ever missed one before.”

“He hasn’t,” Louis muttered. 

Niall waved a finger in his face. “Listen, you dickhead. I don’t know what the fuck you were thinking at that party, but if you’re in love with Liam, you should tell him. And if you’re not, then fuck you for fucking around with your best fucking friend.”

“Of course, I’m in love with Liam. But he told me to go away. He doesn’t want to see me.” He even sounded pathetic to his own ears.

“I just told you he didn’t go to class today. Does that sound like he’s doing okay without you?”

Louis grabbed his coat, his heart beating triple time in his chest. A small sliver of hope burned inside him now, and his mind raced as Niall drove him across campus.

When Niall unlocked the door, he saw Liam’s back to him in the small kitchen, a little hunched over as he made a coffee. “What did you bring me back, Niall?”

When his question was met with silence, Liam turned around, his big brown eyes widening at the sight of Louis. 

“Sorry, Li. But I had to do something.” Niall nodded at them, gave Louis a shove, and left.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

Liam made no move to close the distance between them, so Louis took a step forward. “I know you asked me to give you space, but I’m sorry, Liam. I can’t give that to you. At least not until you hear me out, and then I’ll go.”

He didn’t yell at him or tell him to leave, so Louis took a deep breath and continued. “I’m in love with you.”

Liam dropped the spoon in his hand, and it clattered to the counter and fell onto the floor. 

“I don’t know how you can be surprised by this. Everyone’s in love with you, Liam.”

Liam’s eyebrows furrowed as though trying to make sense of Louis’ words. “Everyone’s not in love with me, Lou. I don’t know why you always think that.”

“They are. I’m just one of many. And I know everyone thinks I just go from guy to guy, but how am I supposed to fall in love with anyone else when I’ve always been in love with you?”

“I—but then why—”

“Because I’m desperate. And stupid.” His voice cracked, and Louis couldn’t bear to look at his beautiful face any more and let his gaze drop to his shoes. “And I was trying to find some way to make you want me as much as I want you.”

“What are you talking about? Where have you been for the past month we’ve been together? I thought it was clear how much I want you. Christ, Louis, I’ve waited for so many years to be with you.”

Could that be true? “Wait—years?”

“I’ve been in love with you my entire life. But I didn’t want to scare you away or ask you for more than you can give me.”

Louis felt like he might fall to pieces right here in front of Liam. He’d been so sure that things between them were mostly one-sided, and now Liam’s telling him he already had what he’d always wanted. And then he’d ruined it all. 

“Have I ruined it all then?”

He looked then into the eyes of the boy he’d always loved who had grown into the man he loved and saw the tears shining in them. “No, Lou. You haven’t ruined it all.”

Before he could fall to the floor, Liam was there to catch him just as he always was. And he was back in Liam’s arms where he had always belonged.


	2. POSSIBLY UNNECESSARY SMUTTY EPILOGUE BECAUSE I COULDN’T HELP MYSELF

Liam was across the kitchen in an instant, wrapping Louis up in his arms and holding him tight to his body. He could feel the frantic beat of both their hearts as he captured Louis’ lips with his own. 

Nothing in his entire life had ever felt more right than the feeling of Louis’ lips and Louis’ body and Louis’ heart. He felt the tug of Louis’ fingers in his hair as he hoisted him up into his arms, Louis’ strong thighs wrapped around his waist. 

Louis held on to him as if his life depended on it, clutching at his shoulders, before tearing his mouth away for one brief moment. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

They’d reached the bedroom, and Liam kicked it open and shut behind him before laying Louis gently on his bed and just admired the way Louis looked there. The eyes that had shone with pain minutes before were now hooded with desire.

Liam sat on the bed next to him and began to gently undress him, letting his fingers trail across Louis’ skin as he exposed him inch by inch. His lips followed the path of his fingers until Louis was warm and squirming beneath him.

“Liam—Liam, please.”

“What do you want, Lou?”

“Everything—all of you.”

He whipped his shirt off over his head, but made no move to take off more of his own clothes just yet. Pressing his palms to Louis’ thighs, he held them down to the bed as he sucked him into his mouth. Louis’ whimpers of pleasure were still the loveliest sounds in the world. 

There was a lot left to talk about between them, but just knowing Louis’ motivations had to do with insecurity, left him with the thought that he never wanted Louis to feel he was somehow less especially not after all the years of Louis believing in him. 

He’d grown up believing all the wonderful things Louis said about him were true, and he lived up to Louis’ ideals of him as best he could. He wanted to be able to give that in return. And it could start here with him worshipping Louis’ beauty with his mouth.

And he didn’t stop until Louis begged him hard enough. “Please, Liam. Want to come with you inside me.”

He stood up from the bed, never taking his eyes off the sight of Louis’ body splayed out before him, his cock hard and leaking a bit at the tip now. Liam eased off his sweatpants and boxers, revealing his own aching cock. 

“Come here.” The rasp of Louis’ voice made him even harder.

Liam slid back onto the bed, turning Louis onto his stomach and propping him up on the pillows, before letting his hands palm at his gorgeous curves. “So beautiful, Lou. Never seen anyone as beautiful as you.”

“Are you talking to me or my ass?”

Liam snorted. “Both.”

He reached for the lube in his bedside table and slicked up his cock and his fingers, shutting Louis up with the soft touch of his finger. Louis gasped as he pressed a finger into him, just far enough to make sure he was slick enough, before replacing his finger with his cock. 

His fingers pressed into the curve of Louis’ waist as he slowly eased into him. When he began to slowly rock into him, he pulled him close, his lips pressing kisses of devotion to his shoulder and neck until Louis turned his head enough to kiss him. He gasped his love for Louis over and over again until they were both coming, knowing for the first time that this was something more than either of them had ever experienced. It was an act of love, done in love, and Liam knew now that they’d never be apart. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this, please leave kudos and comments! You can [reblog the fic post here](https://allwaswell16.tumblr.com/post/636223278534557696/h-e-s-i-t-a-t-e-written-by-allwaswell16-for)!


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